Monday, January 25, 2010

ballad for the chaotic

Sometimes a little voice inside my head tells me that I won't finish college. No, it is not because I have low self confidence (well I know I don't but thats another story) I think its because I'm afraid of a number of things accompanying a degree. 
1) I am really afraid that I will kinda slide by in school like I always have. I have no idea how exactly to work up to my potential. I see peers doing extra curriculars and taking advantage of different things such as befriending professors 0r putting their hearts into papers. Maybe I don't push myself towards goals because it seems as though they would be set in stone after I accomplish them. 
2)
I suppose I do not have low self confidence I have low self efficacy. Although I fortunately posses a thirst to learn as much as I can while I am alive, knowledge in one area of interest is difficult. I aspire to be a well rounded individual, so I guess I can be mistaken as indecisive or passionless.
3) Im only twenty. You may be able to plan your life year to year, I'm more concerned with figuring out who I am. On my quest of personal discovery maybe I will find consistency.
4) I want my life to be filled with rich experiences. I do not want a 9-5 desk job.... My restless self (and ass) cannot take it. 
5) im just being dumb now ....bed time

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